To live your life
You’ve got to lose it
All the losers get a crown…
So, this evening, I lost. I lost at a couple different card games. Hand after hand. I’d make a few points, and my opponent would make more—even if I went out, forcing him to subtract his hand. Ok, a few hands I did well, good deal, good draw…but mostly, it was maybe this time, maybe this time…maybe a four of clubs…failure. I got the game figured out, I got my brain into a mode that intuitionaly sought out the right cards, right way of thinking. And then lost another hand. And I failed even at being a good conversationalist while playing. Then I played Clue. I’ve played this a couple times, and I know the basic idea…and it’s just a simple matter of deduction. Yeah, but I was clue-less. It’s like MasterMind—gaining information about specifics, by evaluating them in groups. I tried to write everything down, but I couldn’t figure out what to do with it. So, I failed.
I’m not used to failing. Usually, everything I do either works, or if it doesn’t, the circumstances hardly warranted hope that it would. Or, I just redefine success to match something that wasaccomplished. But I know people who’s lives are characterized by failure. Maybe not catastrophe, but chronic failure. And I thought, wow, if I feel this bummed about losing, at some games, for just an evening, imagine how I would feel after years of repeatedly failing at life. You get up, and get dressed (but there is the nagging suspicion that you wore the wrong thing), and then you brush your teeth, and fail, spilling toothpaste on the floor. You fail at cooking an egg, at making toast. At getting your car to run right. At missing traffic, at getting to work on time…and this continues all day. Everyday. For as long as you can remember. Just a string of things that didn’t quite work out for you. I’d be pretty unhappy. Probably not very friendly. Hard to deal with. Dull. Maybe even a hint of trying to fail, so at least I succeed atsomething.
I am glad that my life has been successful. Maybe not always as totally challenge-free as I could imagine, and in my weaker moments, wish for. But it’s been good, and it’s not all because Tobias is so awesome. God has given me this life. And since it is a gift, I should not look down on those who do not measure up to my standards. We soften the recoil against people by saying “maybe they are just having a bad day”—well, what about the people who have a bad week, month, years—so long they have given up hope of hope? Can I use the gift of things-working-out-for-me to help encourage those for whom things don’t work? Rather than thinking “maybe things would work better if you weren’t such an idiot” or “maybe if you were nice to be around, more people would like you”. I’ve had a glimpse of what that life would be like, and now I have a glint of empathy for those for whom the morning comes to herald in another day of unmitigated FAILURE.
Oh, and no, I don’t get a crown for losing a card game.
